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29.5.16

The Truth

I don't know if what I am going to be writing about in the near future is going to make any sense at all. I don't even know if I should be publicly processing all this. You may have noticed that the tone of my previous post wasn't in proportion to the announcement. I realised after posting it that I was trying to say something without saying it, which of course didn't work at all. So I am going to attempt, over a series of posts, to share my journey with you - live from the heart, as it happens. This is not something that I have been through, come out of, got the t-shirt and can help others through. This is what I am going through and trying to figure out. You can expect it to be raw and real so please don't judge me. I have judged too many others in my situation in past years only to find out what it really feels like to be this side of the judgement.

When church hurts

You may recall a similar story that we posted in 2010 - When Church Hurts.  Now I will attempt to write my own 'church hurts' story without naming names or hurting people. My aim is to be honest in sharing what I have been through and am going through but at the same time protect all involved. So if at some points you feel I am hiding something be assured that it is only the bits that are necessary to protect others. I don't intend to hide anything from you at all as far as possible, I will tell you the truth.

Setting the scene

Where to start.... um.... well, I may have to jump around a bit because it's difficult to know where the journey really began, it may have been at birth but I won't go that far back. Like any good thriller let's start at the current scene and then jump back to the past. How does that sound?

Right now I am in bed with my pyjamas on clicking away on my laptop while the children are downstairs watching TV. My husband, Eric, is at church where he has recently been employed as the Executive Pastor. Yes, it is a Sunday morning. I am not going to church at the moment. Not for the foreseeable future. I am trying not to cry as I write this because I am tired of crying. I don't want to cry anymore! The truth is, I need some time out. Church has hurt too often and for too long. I just want some time to be with God. Just me and Him. Time to heal. Time to reflect. Time to get back to... I don't really know... but I know where I am now is not a nice place to be. What happened to me? How did I end up here? I feel like I have had every part of me stripped away and now I am revealing my bare soul. I am empty. I am broken. I am lost.

Stop wriggling

One thing I hold onto is a picture that I believe Jesus showed me. This picture makes it OK for me just to be for the time being. Before I saw the picture I heard the words, "Stop wriggling!" With a rather puzzled expression on my face I imagine, I said, "Huh?" I heard it again, "Stop wriggling!" and then almost right away I say a picture of Jesus holding me in his arms like a little girl and instantly recalled the beautiful Footprints in the Sand poem. I realised that Jesus was trying to carry me and I was trying so hard to walk on my own. I was wriggling in this arms trying to get down and walk myself. Often I am too hard on myself, always forcing myself to do the right thing no matter how painful it is. I know I was trying to do this in the church context. Despite how much I was hurting I was still looking to get on with doing what was right. Jesus didn't want me to do anything. In this time I believe there is no right or wrong action for me to take. All I need to do is snuggle into his arms and allow him to carry me. I know there will come a time when I will need to take action and walk on my own two feet again but I don't need to worry about that right now. For now and the foreseeable future, my only action is to take now action and snuggle in Jesus arms. It is this picture that I hold onto.

In my next post I will tell you what happened and how I got to this place but in the meantime, enjoy this beautiful poem and if you too are in a season where you are needing Jesus to carry you, stop wriggling and just snuggle in his arms and rest.

Footprints in the Sand


- by Mary Stevenson

One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."
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27.5.16

New Seasons Are Great

Hello I am Eric De Souza and I am very excited about this new venture with my wife as our passion is the body of Christ (a.k.a. The Church). Our aim is to equip the church whether by answering simple questions such as, "Why do we do what we do?" or providing God answers to facilitate change. We do this through our books and speaking engagements. watch out for my first book 'Voices' coming up soon. I hope you will find everything in our ministry simple yet not simplistic. It's hard to diffuse a message you do not believe in, with that in mind we will strive to make faith clear yet tangible and powerful (Mt. 4:17, Hb. 4:16).

I sincerely hope you feel at home here making this website perhaps an extension of your living room. And even if you are a busy entrepreneur or on your toes most of the time you can access our mobile site as easily and take us with you wherever you go.

"…whatever you get, get understanding",
King Solomon
Proverbs 4:7


Eric De Souza
King's Life Ministries
Read more ...

25.5.16

I Don't Know What to Say :/

I have sat with my hands on the keys several times now, to write to you but never know what to say. So here it is, I am just going to let it come out, raw and real. You see, I have a choice, I can pitch what I have to say to you in a very positive, exciting way (which would be honestish) or I can pour out my heart and soul which could be overly negative and draining for you. For your sake and mine I will do neither, I am not pitching anything to you, it is not positive nor negative, it just is. This is where the journey has taken me and many of you have been reading my posts for years and have stayed with me through all the ups and downs, trials and tests, joys and laughter.

Not A New Beginning

I considered calling this post A New Beginning but realised that it is not a new beginning at all, it is the next chapter in our book, a new season in our life, perhaps even a turn at a cross road. I considered calling it Starting Over only to realise that nothing is starting over but this new chapter, or perhaps we can even call it a new book, is the wonderful culmination of all that we have been through, learned, failed at and enjoyed. Life has brought us to this point and it is both terrifying and wonderful. We had to go through every single thing that we have been through to get to this point and this point is all part of God's master plan. This is what I choose to believe. If I don't believe it then life just doesn't make sense. God is good. He is always good. He is full of mercy. He is love. So what I am choosing to believe makes sense based on these very important facts.

Death Brings Life

Truly, truly I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains by itself alone. But if it dies, it bears much fruit.  - John 12:24

Sometimes we just have to die! Die to self. Die to our selfish plans and desires. Die to our way of thinking. Die to so many things. If we don't die we will never live. The Bible is full of things that are hard to understand but once you come out the other side they make perfect sense and offer so much freedom that you wonder why it took you so long to get it. I am currently in the pre-die stage, working through dying. At least in this area. In past seasons I can testify to the pain of dying and how wonderful it is bearing much fruit when you come alive again.

The one who loves his life loses it, and the one who hates his life in this world preserves it for eternal life. - John 12:25

King's Life 

So this brings me to our big announcement. We haven't worked out the details yet, we don't know where this path will lead, but we do know that this is the right next step. As you may have noticed, our website address, name, logo, branding, social media, email address and everything has changed! This is a nutshell overview of what is happening:

  1. King's Daughters, AD Life and Cheltenham School of Music have merged into one amazing ministry called King's Life Ministries. Eric and I have joined forces and will be coming together to build what we are most passionate about, which is;


  2. King's Life Ministries is about the church - the wider church not one building in particular - the body of Christ. We are most passionate about this which is why it makes perfect sense to make this our main focus. Our mission is to 'equip the saints for the work of ministry and building up the body of Christ' as it says in Ephesians 4:12  Eric and I will write and preach along these lines under the general category in the blog called King's Life.


  3. King's Daughters will continue under the umbrella of King's Life Ministries with a clear mission to create connection opportunities for women. We will focus on prayer, study of the word and friendship. You can continue to follow these posts in the blog category King's Daughters.


  4. King's Life Music will transform from Eric's existing music business, Cheltenham School of Music, to a more specific focus of teaching music, worship leading and songwriting. We will also record our own music and make it available for your enjoyment.



This is the new season, next chapter, change in direction or whatever you wish to call it. I am exciting about partnering directly with my husband on this project, we work well together and have complimentary skills which is great. We will take it slowly though and not rush into anything, we would love you to walk with us, share your views with us and please pray for us. All King's Daughters mailing lists and social media have changed now to King's Life Ministries so please invite your men over to join us.

So that's it - for someone who didn't know what to say at first, I said quite a lot didn't I!
Love

signature
Read more ...

I Don't Know What to Say :/

I have sat with my hands on the keys several times now, to write to you but never know what to say. So here it is, I am just going to let it come out, raw and real. You see, I have a choice, I can pitch what I have to say to you in a very positive, exciting way (which would be honestish) or I can pour out my heart and soul which could be overly negative and draining for you. For your sake and mine I will do neither, I am not pitching anything to you, it is not positive nor negative, it just is. This is where the journey has taken me and many of you have been reading my posts for years and have stayed with me through all the ups and downs, trials and tests, joys and laughter.

Not A New Beginning

I considered calling this post A New Beginning but realised that it is not a new beginning at all, it is the next chapter in our book, a new season in our life, perhaps even a turn at a cross road. I considered calling it Starting Over only to realise that nothing is starting over but this new chapter, or perhaps we can even call it a new book, is the wonderful culmination of all that we have been through, learned, failed at and enjoyed. Life has brought us to this point and it is both terrifying and wonderful. We had to go through every single thing that we have been through to get to this point and this point is all part of God's master plan. This is what I choose to believe. If I don't believe it then life just doesn't make sense. God is good. He is always good. He is full of mercy. He is love. So what I am choosing to believe makes sense based on these very important facts.

Death Brings Life

Truly, truly I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains by itself alone. But if it dies, it bears much fruit.  - John 12:24

Sometimes we just have to die! Die to self. Die to our selfish plans and desires. Die to our way of thinking. Die to so many things. If we don't die we will never live. The Bible is full of things that are hard to understand but once you come out the other side they make perfect sense and offer so much freedom that you wonder why it took you so long to get it. I am currently in the pre-die stage, working through dying. At least in this area. In past seasons I can testify to the pain of dying and how wonderful it is bearing much fruit when you come alive again.

The one who loves his life loses it, and the one who hates his life in this world preserves it for eternal life. - John 12:25

King's Life 

So this brings me to our big announcement. We haven't worked out the details yet, we don't know where this path will lead, but we do know that this is the right next step. As you may have noticed, our website address, name, logo, branding, social media, email address and everything has changed! This is a nutshell overview of what is happening:

  1. King's Daughters, AD Life and Cheltenham School of Music have merged into one amazing ministry called King's Life Ministries. Eric and I have joined forces and will be coming together to build what we are most passionate about, which is;


  2. King's Life Ministries is about the church - the wider church not one building in particular - the body of Christ. We are most passionate about this which is why it makes perfect sense to make this our main focus. Our mission is to 'equip the saints for the work of ministry and building up the body of Christ' as it says in Ephesians 4:12  Eric and I will write and preach along these lines under the general category in the blog called King's Life.


  3. King's Daughters will continue under the umbrella of King's Life Ministries with a clear mission to create connection opportunities for women. We will focus on prayer, study of the word and friendship. You can continue to follow these posts in the blog category King's Daughters.


  4. King's Life Music will transform from Eric's existing music business, Cheltenham School of Music, to a more specific focus of teaching music, worship leading and songwriting. We will also record our own music and make it available for your enjoyment.



This is the new season, next chapter, change in direction or whatever you wish to call it. I am exciting about partnering directly with my husband on this project, we work well together and have complimentary skills which is great. We will take it slowly though and not rush into anything, we would love you to walk with us, share your views with us and please pray for us. All King's Daughters mailing lists and social media have changed now to King's Life Ministries so please invite your men over to join us.

So that's it - for someone who didn't know what to say at first, I said quite a lot didn't I!
Love

signature
Read more ...