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28.3.13

Nature's Way - Mascara

Mascara has been used as far back as the ancient Egyptian era. Dating from around 3400-30 B.C., Egyptians used bone and ivory to apply their mascara. The very first recorded mascara was a blend of kohl with crocodile dung, water and honey. The Egyptians produced mascaras in the form of pressed cakes and it wasn't until the sixties that mascara applicator brushes were introduced. Even with questionable ingredients, the lure of long, sexy eye lashes has always been found beautiful and irresistible.
    Like all other chemical beauty products, mascara carries risks. Methylparaben, aluminum powder, ceteareth-20, butylparaben, or benzyl alcohol are often found in mascaras and some of these ingredients have been known to cause cancer in mice. Not all mascaras will be that dangerous but just the thought of putting those nasty chemicals that close to my eyes does make me worry a little.
     Other disadvantages are that chemical mascaras can be drying to eyelashes. Waterproof mascaras are particularly harmful as they contain a chemical called dimethicone copolyol that glues the mascara to your lashes. Beauty experts say they should not be used daily but rather for infrequent special occasions.
     Did you know you are supposed to throw your mascara away every three to six months to prevent bacteria to build up in your mascara?

Nature’s Way Alternatives
I use Castor Oil. You can use an old mascara applicator you’ve sterilised to apply or simply use your finger tip. Castor Oil keeps them moist and will promote growth resulted in thicker and longer eye lashes. There is no risk to your eyes except that Castor Oil is sticky so if you wear contact lenses apply the Castor Oil after putting your contact lenses in. Another great plus is that using Castor Oil will also cure eye styes and keep your eyes healthy.  Rub or dab Castor Oil onto the infected area to treat styes. Also, rub some around your eye too before you go to bed you will eliminate fine lines around your eyes.

Results:
  • No harmful chemicals
  • Anti-ageing
  • Thicker, longer lashes and brows
  • No cancer risks
  • Save money

Cautions:
  • Don’t apply Castor Oil anywhere near your eyes before putting contact lenses into your eyes.
  • Rinse off Castor Oil from around your eyes in the morning if necessary to avoid having a sticky look and feel all day.

NATURE’S WAY MASCARA

Ingredients: Castor Oil

Method: Smooth onto your eye lashes or eye brows with your fingers, cotton bud or a sterilised applicator brush.

More mascara recipes:
There are many recipes available for homemade mascaras using natural ingredients, here are some:

Conditioning Mascara
Mix these ingredients together and apply.
  • 1 tablespoon Castor Oil
  • 1 tablespoon Aloe Vera Gel
  • 2 tablespoons Vitamin E Oil

Charcoal Mascara
Mix food grade charcoal with your favourite oil or aloe.
  • 1 activated charcoal capsule
  • 4 tablespoons Castor Oil, Olive Oil, Coconut Oil or Aloe Vera Gel.

Now it's your turn.
If you have any mascara tips that work well, please share them with us.  Find out more about Nature's Way here.
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26.3.13

Being a Friend - Who is Humble

Humility is not a weakness, it is a strength. A weak person does not have what it takes to humble themselves, it truly requires great strength to put your pride in your pocket and make yourself appear lower. The dictionary defines humility as modesty or meekness and the antonym is arrogance. True humility however, isn’t lowering yourself for the sake of keeping up appearances, but it is to do so for the sake of serving others. If you are humble it doesn’t mean that you have a low opinion of yourself but rather than you choose to lower yourself.

Humility in the Bible comes from the Greek word tapeinoo which means to depress; figuratively, to humiliate in condition or heart. Jesus used this word when He told us that whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven . You see, Jesus wasn’t telling us to behave like a child but rather that we should have the heart attitude of a child. That we should believe as easily as a child does. That we should trust as easily as a child does and that we should live as simply as a child does. I am sure there is much more to that verse but in a nutshell that is what He is saying. It is when we humble our hearts as a little child that we can truly see things as they really are and understand kingdom principles.

Humility isn’t about thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.
- C.S. Lewis

Jesus also told us that whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted . Humbling yourself is a win/win situation whereas pride only leads to sure destruction. It’s not worth holding onto pride but it is always worth being humble. Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. Some people seem naturally humble and never seen to need to work on it at all but other’s need to work hard at the character flaws that prevent them from being humble. I can assure you that none of us are born humble, we are all born sinners. However, some of us do have disadvantages that cause pride to grow and other’s are raised in such a way that humility is encouraged to grow. Let’s take a look at some of the causes and cures for pride (the opposite of humility):

Cause:
Poor upbringing sadly means that some children are taught that what is wrong is right. Many suffer with poor character as adults because they were not raised with God’s word as the standard for their life.

Cure:
Renew your mind because no matter what your upbringing, you can always choose to change your mind. It’s never too late to learn God’s ways. As we study His words in the Bible we will find true humility. When we realise what He has done for us, we will find it easier and easier to humble ourselves before God and before mankind.

Cause:
Insecurity stems from all sorts of things and everyone suffers with some sort of insecurity and varying degrees of insecurity. An insecure person is usually uses pride or arrogance to mask their insecurity. Some insecure people seem humble but they are actually broken and weak. Both forms of insecurity are not healthy.

Cure:
Security comes from knowing and fully embracing who you are in Christ. For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified. No matter what the cause of insecurity, through Jesus death on the cross and through His resurrection, we can all find freedom and security in every area of life.

Cause:
Satan is the originator of pride and all evil which means that many of us are deceived into pride, even spiritual pride, by him. He is sneaky and too often we don’t even realise that he is influencing us.

Cure:
Submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Staying ‘in touch’ with God will free you from any of Satan’s plans for your life.

Cause:
Rebellion can be towards God but it can also be more subtle than that. It could be attitude towards an employer, the government or your husband. Rebellion is as witchcraft the Bible says , which is a frightening thought!  

Cure:
Choose to submit to any and all authority in your life. It’s a simple choice that you make and this choice will transform you. Submission is a form of humility and we are told over and over again how important this is in the Bible.

There is so much more that can cause and cure pride so ask God to highlight your problem areas to you so you can grow in humility. So what has being humble got to do with being a friend? Everything! A humble friend will serve a friend well. A humble friend will think of their friend more highly than themselves. A humble friend will draw the best out of their friends. As we said in the previous session, humility and wisdom are very closely linked and we know that he who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. We need to be wise, humble friends and we need to have wise, humble friends. You cannot choose your family but you can choose your friends so choose wisely. Most importantly, ask God to help you be a truly humble person so that you can serve your friends well.

Find out more about Being a Friend here or about using our material to host your own Girl's Night here.
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23.3.13

Congratulations Samuel and Lorah Beard


Yesterday, 22nd March 2013, was one of the most amazing days of my entire life.  My beautiful, first born daughter, Lorah-Kelly, united forces with a wonderful man, Samuel Beard.  As individuals they were fantastic people but now, as one, I know that they will be even more powerful in love and life.  


Above is another one of Charlie's stunning photos from Samauel and Lorah's engagement shoot.  Here are some phone camera photos to give you a glimpse into our day before the professional photos come back from CKB Photography

Lorah ready to leave home and go to meet her man at the altar
Toasting with Sameul and Lorah

Congratulations Mr and Mrs Beard

The beautiful wedding venue - Overfarm Barn
There is so much more to say and lots more photos to come, I hope you have enjoyed a little sneak peak into a very special part of my life :) xxx
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19.3.13

Being a Lover - For the First Time

Being a lover for the first time can be wonderful but it can also be terrible.  I have heard stories of people who have come back from honeymoon still virgins as they were unsuccessful in their love making.   I have also heard of women who called home in tears from their honeymoon as sex either hadn’t happened successfully or was too painful.  Sex for the first time can be very traumatic and the key to success is preparation. 

I remember a time when I was at a friend’s wedding.  They had just exchanged their vows and rings and were about to exit the church building.  Looking at them I realised that although they had done all that was legally required to be married they were still not married. Their marriage had to be consummated.  This was the important part, the part that made them married.  It was a beautiful revelation to me at the time as I had not been a virgin bride and never had the pleasure of knowing such a precious moment. 

The Bible speaks of this consummation as becoming one flesh in Genesis 2:24 where is says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”.   Mark 10:8 says, “and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh”.  These verses paint a clear picture that marriage is not about living together or doing life with someone but it is a uniting of two people resulting in one person.  There are no longer two bodies (two individual people), but now there is one body (one married couple).  This new body is to become the priority over previous relationships, especially the ties to parents.
     
Divorce is the opposite, it is the violent tearing apart of this one flesh which is why it is so painful.  Do not give yourself to a man with divorce as an option if things don’t work out.  If you don’t think you can manage a lifetime with the man you have chosen rather don’t marry.  The pain of breaking up a non-sexual relationship or the pain of loneliness while waiting for the right man is far less painful than breaking apart what was once one flesh. 

Sex is not only a coming together of two people but it is also a blood covenant.  When a couple have sex for the first time the woman’s hymen will break and bleed a little.  This is a profoundly beautiful moment where both husband and wife enter into a blood covenant.  It is a once in a lifetime experience.  Only one person ever gets to break your virginity and you and he share something that you cannot share with anyone else ever again. A blood covenant is the strongest type of covenant that you will ever experience.  Jesus death for you is one blood covenant and your first time with your husband is another one. Malachi 2:14 says, “...she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”   This covenant is extremely precious. 

Women’s Preparations
A virgin bride will need to start her physical preparations by reading about sex and understanding how her body works.  Some virgins recommend stretching their vagina before the wedding night but you don’t want to stretch it too much and hurt yourself.
 
Your vagina is designed to expand naturally during sex but if you want to prepare simply take a lubricant such as KY Jelly, please it on your finger and rub inside of your vagina with your finger.  Once you are comfortable with that put two fingers inside of your vagina and stretch them apart slightly and rub back and forth.  Sex is mostly in your mind so getting comfortable and familiar with your body is a good idea at this stage.  Don’t be embarrassed about touching yourself in preparation for your wedding night, you will be more comfortable if you are able to see yourself as a sexual being.  Your main preparation for your wedding night will be your mind.  Understand that sex is fun and that you will experience amazing, intensely wonderful things that your body has never experienced before.  Keep this in mind rather than pain that may or may not occur on your wedding night.  Don’t be alarmed if you hymen is already torn slightly, this can happen by using tampons and from various sports.  It doesn’t mean you are not a virgin and it is unlikely to be fully broken.  When the hymen breaks it can be painful at times but some women find it to be pleasurable when it breaks and some have no feeling at all. 

Men’s Preparations  
A man needs to prepare mentally for sex in the same way that a woman does, too much pressure could cause him to be unable to get an erection.  Sex is meant to be fun for both husband and wife and is all about loving each other.  A man’s physical preparation is minimal unless he has a foreskin.  For some men, the head of the penis remains covered during erection which can be uncomfortable, painful and even cause bleeding when having sex for the first time.  It is very important that the man prepares for his first time by doing foreskin stretching exercises until the foreskin is able to retract comfortably.  The foreskin plays a large part in the pleasure of the sexual experience as it is has many nerves that lead to sexual pleasure. 

To start the stretching exercises insert two fingers inside the foreskin and gently stretch outwards. Do this every day for about five minutes a day or several times a day.  Never stretch it further than it will go, let the pain tell you when to stop as there is no need to hurt yourself.  Once you are comfortable with that start pulling your foreskin back further and further every day until it goes pass the head of your penis.  Don’t attempt to do this all at once as you could damage yourself.  Your foreskin may not retract fully when you are erect, but in time it will start to.  It’s best to do these exercises when you are relaxed and perhaps in the bath or shower when your skin is warm and supple.  It is good to start several months before you get married as it does take time.  It could be a couple of weeks before you start to see any results at all and a couple of months before you can comfortably move your foreskin back and forth over the head of your penis.  Don’t be tempted to masturbate as it’s a habit you might not be able to let go of once you are married but if you accidentally ‘spill over’ don’t feel guilty either.  

The Wedding Night
Sex is not just about getting the penis into the vagina – there is so much more to it than that.  A well prepared and stimulated vagina will find sex pleasurable right from the start even if the penis doesn’t manage to fully penetrate the vagina the first time. 

Foreplay
Foreplay is an essential ingredient for great sex.  When a man and a women spend time arousing each other all sorts of wonderful things go on inside of their bodies to prepare them for sex.  Pheromones are released which cause you to be attracted to each other so having cuddles and kisses will help you both feel in the mood.  They are secreted from the sweat glands in your armpits and from your pubic area.  Pheromones produce a subtle sexual fragrance that is given off by the aroused person and inhaled by your partner to send a signal that you are sexually aroused.  If both of you are sending off pheromones then you are both causing each other to become more aroused too and so the cycle begins.

Once you are aroused, oestrogen is released in the woman, which will lubricate the vagina and increase sexual desire.  Testosterone then kicks in for the man which brings on his erection.  Then serotonin activates various areas of the brain to provoke erections of the nipples, clitoris and penis.  This whole process of foreplay is essential in helping the blood accumulate in the penis and clitoris to allow erection and pleasure.  Skipping foreplay is skipping all this hormonal activity which is essential for pleasurable sex.  Fear, stress or guilt can interfere with stimulation which will cause loss of sensitivity in the vagina.  It is essential to be relaxed and enjoy sex or else you will not experience pleasure and could even experience pain because your vagina will not be ready to receive the penis.  Being properly aroused causes your vagina to open up to nearly double the size.  If you are having trouble with sex perhaps spend more time in fondling each other. The physical aim of sex is for both parties to experience an orgasm so sex isn’t over until both the husband and the wife have had pleasure.  The husband’s concern needs to be his wife’s pleasure and the wife’s concern should be her husband’s pleasure.  Once a woman has had an orgasm her body is the most ready for a man to enter her.  At first you might not be able to achieve orgasm as you are still getting used to each other’s body but don’t stop trying until you both manage to feel the euphoria that comes with full sexual climax.  It is actually physically harmful to be aroused regularly without reaching a climax. 

Penetration  
On your wedding night your husband can stretch his new wife’s hymen so intercourse is less painful.  He does this by taking a generous amount of artificial lubricant such as KY Jelly on one of his fingers and then he can very gently slide it in his bride's vagina going back and forth several times until she feels relaxed and comfortable with what he is doing.  He can then increase the pressure a little and use two or three fingers to begin the stretching.  Take plenty of time, don’t rush this and stop if either one of you become uncomfortable.  Three fingers mean she is ready for intercourse.  Making love for the first time needs to be an unselfish time.  The husband needs to take his time both in preparation and during intercourse.  Don't shove the penis in but rather wiggle it around and work it in slowly. Make sure it's really wet before you try to go in all the way. It is very likely that sex might not happen on the first night and you might need one or two more times of preparation and stretching before you succeed.  It’s not the end of the world if you have a wait a few days, after all you do have the rest of your lives together.

It is also possible that the husband will climax during the stretching time or at any point before actually have sex.  This could even happen several times and is perfectly normal.  Keep a hand towel handy, wipe up and carry on playing together.

Relaxation
Men usually need a nap after sex and if it’s night time they will sleep deeply after sex.  It is very important that both the husband and wife and ready to sleep and that the wife is not left alone after sex.  Also, it’s important that the wife doesn’t demand too much after sex either.  Understand each other’s needs, spend a fair amount of time cuddling if that’s what you need and allow each other time to wind down afterwards. 
 
Find out more about Being a Lover here or get in touch to host your own Girl's Night.
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12.3.13

Being a Woman in Business - Who is Humble

Humility is probably the last thing that you think you need in business.  It is the most underrated but crucial business asset.  It’s not a weakness, it is a strength.  A weak person does not have what it takes to humble themselves, it truly requires great strength to put your pride in your pocket and make yourself appear lower.  The dictionary defines humility as modesty or meekness and the antonym is arrogance.  True humility however, isn’t lowering yourself for the sake of keeping up appearances, but it is to do so for the sake of serving others.  If you are humble it doesn’t mean that you have a low opinion of yourself but rather than you choose to lower yourself.  Humility comes from the Greek word tapeinoo which means to depress; figuratively, to humiliate in condition or heart. 

Humility isn’t about thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. 
- C.S. Lewis


"The difference between arrogance and confidence is self-awareness," says Jason Mendelson, founder and managing director of the Foundry Group. "The confident leader is self-aware of their customer's needs, their company's culture and the rapid changes that occur in their industry."

Humility vs. Arrogance

Arrogance Talks too Much
In the multitude of words sin is not lacking...  - Proverbs 10:19

Arrogant people spend too much time talking and too little time listening.  This means that they never understand the people that they are doing business with and they never know their customers’ needs.  Talking too much can also mean that you put your foot in ‘it’ too easily, that you are not thinking before you speak, that you don’t really care what anyone else has to say and that you could miss out on fantastic opportunities.  I wonder how many arrogant business women have missed a million pound idea that one of their staff or customers had because they didn’t take the time to listen.  A great business is never the result of one person, it is always the result on many people’s contributions. 

Humility Listens
...But he who restrains his lips is wise.  - Proverbs 10:19

The best leaders are the best listeners.  Humble people tend to take time to listen to what people have to say and they really try and hear what is being said too.  They seem quiet but actually there is wisdom in their quietness.  Great ideas are born in a room where humble people listen and ponder on what is being said by others. McDonald's golden arches are here today the result of Ray Kroc listening to the advice of others.  In the 60’s Ray wanted to update McDonald’s image and one of his ideas was to get rid of the golden arches and coming up with a new logo.  The golden arches are still here today because he took time to listen.

Arrogance Takes Credit
The arrogant one will stumble and fall and no one will help her up  - Jeremiah 50:32

Arrogance is a very lonely life to live.  People might tolerate an arrogant person because they have to but when they fall most people will feel happy because they needed knocking down to size a bit.  Few people will reach out to an arrogant person who falls.   Why?  Well one of the reasons could be that when credit was due the arrogant person took it all for themselves!  No one likes to see one person take all credit, especially if it means that the person who really deserved the credit misses out. 

Humility Gives Credit
Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honour to whom honour.  - Romans 13:7

It is right to give credit where credit is due and honour where honour is due.  A humble person will never take credit or expect honour, they will always give it to others.  Similarly, when there is blame the humble person will always take full responsibility rather than point the finger at someone else.  What is more powerful than a woman in business who can stand in front of others and admit that the failure was hers?  By admitting you are wrong, by taking blame, you will find that you have more committed followers not less.   

Arrogance is Insecure
God resists the proud  - James 4:6

Most arrogant women are insecure.  Deep down inside they don’t feel good enough, they don’t feel worthy, they don’t feel competent or they feel that they don’t fit in.  Insecurity can come in many forms and stem from many reasons but nine times out of ten, you will find that arrogant women are insecure.  Most women will resist an arrogant woman in business but as Christian women in business we would do well to be kind and understanding.  This is not an easy task and not all arrogant women will be ready to receive your kindness, the Bible says that even God resists the proud! Perhaps in our humility we could help her too become secure and humble. 

Humility is Secure
But gives grace to the humble.  - James 4:6

A humble woman is secure enough to recognise her weaknesses and to seek the input or skills of those around her. She is self-aware, not weighed down with insecurities, and is not consumed by what people think about her.  Her humility makes her attractive which will not only attract the right clients but will also give her favour with suppliers and staff.  She will have grace wherever she goes – no one can resist a humble woman.  Quiet confidence inspires others to give their best to her in every area of her life.

Practicing Humility
Humility is something you can learn and grow in.  If you think you are humble then you are not!  A humble person will not know that they are humble at all.  Here are some guidelines to grow in humility:

  1. Be Honest:  Practice honesty at all times even in the tiniest details! There is no such thing as a white lie.   Most importantly, let people know that you don’t have all the answers.  When you don’t know something, say so.

  2. Admit Mistakes: Admitting you are wrong is always a positive thing to do.  People respect those that can and do admit when they have made a mistake.  Owning up to a mistake can have many benefits for your business. It not only show that you are a human being but it also gives people compassion for you and makes customers more willing to partner with you.

  3. Apologise:  Saying sorry takes courage and humility but the more you do it the easier it becomes.

  4. Give Credit:  One of the best ways to stay humble is to reflect credit to others.  As soon as you are tempted to absorb the credit you will run the risk of becoming arrogant.  David Packard, the co-founder of Hewlett-Packard, says, "You shouldn't gloat about anything you've done; you ought to keep going and find something better to do."

"Humility is a virtue all preach, none practice; and yet everybody is content to hear."
- John Selden

Find out more about Being a Woman in Business here or host your own Girl's Night.  We also have a monthly business networking event called Women in Business, find our more here
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10.3.13

Emotional Gravity

























Emotional Gravity
What Goes Up Must Come Down

Do you feel a constant pull in your life but cannot explain what it is? It is gravity on your physical body but there is also emotional gravity pulling on your soul!

Coming soon to: Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk | Kindle

Contents:
Introduction
    Do you feel a constant pull in your life but cannot explain what it is?

Emotions
    Gravity is the force that pulls all matter together

Emotional Centre of Gravity
    Centre of gravity is where all of the weight of an object is concentrated

Emotional Tipping Point
   The tipping point is the point where we lose our balance

Emotional Fourth Dimension
   The fourth dimension is a distortion in the shape of space-time

Emotional Weightlessness
   Weightlessness occurs in the absence of gravity

Emotional Heaviness
   Heaviness is too much pull on mass

Emotional Intelligence
   The intelligence of your emotions

My Emotional Gravity
   Your personal step by step plan to emotional gravity

Study Notes:
For small group or individual study, printable PDF notes and worksheets are available for your convenience.  Once you have purchased the PDF you are welcome to print off as many copies as you need.

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5.3.13

Being a Mother - Who Sets Boundaries

Disciplining a child is a good thing but if it’s not coupled with boundaries it will only make a child confused.  Boundaries set the limits and discipline is what should happen when those limits are crossed.  Many times the consequences are enough to teach a child on their own.  For example, if bed time is 7pm and your child refuses to sleep until midnight then you can point out that they are cranky to following day because they didn’t respect the boundaries.  This is a great way to teach children that boundaries are for their own good. 

Changing the boundaries constantly is more harmful than no boundaries at all.  When setting boundaries be consistent and make sure that the line stays in the same place.  If you slack just once, they child will see that the boundary is flexible and that they should push it constantly or try their luck from time to time.  These sorts of boundaries can make life exhausting.  Constantly negotiating boundaries with a child can suck the life out of you.  Be firm.  Set your boundaries and stick to them, even when it’s easier to ignore them.      

When a child is very young they encounter their very first boundary which is the word ‘NO’.  This word continues to set boundaries for them throughout their whole life.  The one thing about the word no is that it should not separate the parent and the child.  When parents disconnect from a young child after saying no, instead of staying connected and dealing with the problem, they will cause confusion about God’s constant love. When parents pull away it sends the message to the child that they can only be loved when they are good.  It is essential that children know and understand that boundaries are for their own good but does not affect your love for them.  I constantly tell my children that I love them when they are good and I love them when they are naughty.  My hope is that they will grow up knowing that my love is constant even though their behaviour isn’t.

Teaching a child to respect the word no is step one but step two is respecting the child’s no.  If we want to have a clear no boundary then it needs to work both ways.  They need to be able to say no and set their own boundaries in certain areas and we need to respect them.  Not respecting a child’s boundary could mean that we are manipulating them.  For example, if a child doesn’t want a hug or a kiss but we make them feel bad by saying something like, “Don’t you love me then?”, we are in fact disrespecting their boundary, manipulating them and showing then that boundaries don’t matter.  Children learn more from what they experience with their parents than they do from what their parents say.  Allowing a child to say no is just as important as teaching your children to respect your no.  We need to teach our children how to say no and how to accept no.  Of course, the exception is that a child cannot say no to something you have told them to do.  Disobedience is different from allowing a child a choice.

Developing boundaries in young children is that proverbial ounce of prevention. If we teach responsibility, limit setting, and delay of gratification early on, the smoother our children’s later years of life will be. The later we start, the harder we and they have to work.           - From Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend


Teaching a child responsibility is the next very important part of setting boundaries.  Your children should know what they are responsible for and what they are not responsible for.  Boundaries are a way of teaching them to protect their hearts. 

Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.
- Proverbs 4:23

We need to teach our children that they are responsible for the good that they allow into their hearts and to keep the bad out.  They are responsible for the protection of their heart.  If we constantly protect them and don’t allow them to feel the consequences of a poor choice then we don’t help them in any way.  Mistakes are a very important part of learning boundaries and we need to allow our children to make mistakes in a loving environment so they can quickly learn how to take care of their heart. 

Sadly, too many parents make their children responsible for their needs.  They make a child feel guilty for making them sad, for example.  A child needs to know that they are responsible for themselves and not for their parents, especially their parents’ emotional needs.  Poor boundaries in this area means that children from a very young and tender age learn to make mommy and daddy happy, even if it makes their own heart feel unhappy.  If this pattern continues children loose the boundary of self and grow up pleasing everyone else while not taking care of themselves.  Children should never feel responsible for their parent’s emotions.  Children should learn to take care of their own emotions, understand that they have the right to make choices and that poor choices have consequences.  Children should not feel that their choice should be determined by how happy it makes mommy and daddy feel.  Making someone happy is one thing but feeling responsible for their happiness is an entirely different thing and none of us are responsible for anyone else’s happiness. 
  
So in a nutshell, set clear boundaries for your children, stick to your boundaries consistently, teach your children to respect no and to take responsibility for their own choices.  There is much more to say on this subject and I highly recommend one of the Boundaries book by Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend.  They have a series of books that deal with boundaries for all ages.
Find out more about Being a Mother here or use this material to host your own Girl's Night.
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3.3.13

Esther or Delilah?

So girls, which woman are you? Are you an Esther or a Delilah?  What do you use your beauty for?  Do you use your beauty to help and save, to build up your man, to enable your man to make wise decisions?  Or are you a Delilah, do you nag constantly and complain repeatedly until your poor husband can take it no more and he is pestered to the extent that his soul is vexed to death?  If you are a Delilah, I can tell you now that your man is living as Samson did - in chains as a joke.  He might even feel like he wants to use the last of his strength to kill himself!  I am not joking.  This is a serious matter and far more common than we care to admit. A man who has no strength has nothing and the thought of death is a comfort to him.

Samson didn’t reach his full potential because he gave his strength to a woman.  Instead of standing up to her or in this case fleeing from her, he gave in to her.   Men, even though your woman might drive you insane as she tries to get her own way, don’t give in.  Deep down inside she doesn’t want to have her own way, she is just testing your strength because she needs to know that you are capable of being strong for her.  

If you are married to a Delilah you can’t leave her but you can stop her from taking your power!  A strong woman can only operate where there is a weak or passive man. If your woman is taking your strength from you it is because you are letting her.  Stop allowing it men.  You are not designed to be a wimp, you are not designed to be weak and you are not designed to be passive.  You are a warrior so start acting like one!  If you allow your woman to act like a Delilah you are robbing her.  She has the potential to become an Esther if you will rise up and be strong and courageous. It will feel weird at first, you might even feel like you are being mean, but as long as you are not being mean and are only being strong, you are on the right path. Can I tell you men a little secret?  Women don’t want to have their own way all the time. And another little secret, you can never be the only source of a woman’s happiness.  You could spend your entire life trying to please her, you can exhaust yourself trying to make her happy, only to find out at the end of your life that it was a mission impossible.  You weren’t designed to keep her happy, you were designed to be strong for her, which may at times mean not giving her exactly what she wants.  

If you carefully consider your woman’s request and make a decision to give her what she wants because you feel it is right – great!  BUT if she pesters you and nags you and you give in to her against your better judgement then you are giving away your strength.  Both you and she will suffer if you give away your strength and in the end, you could even lose the woman you love.  Fight for her and show yourself the strong man that you are.  Don’t cross the line and be mean and nasty, just stay firm and sure to be strong.

I was mowing the lawn one day and meditating on this very book, realising that I had the potential right at that very moment to be either an Esther or a Delilah to my husband, to my children and to the men in my church.  At once I prayed to God and asked him to please help me to be an Esther to my people!  As I said the phrase ‘my people’ I chuckled thinking that I was no queen, who am I to say ‘my people’ like that!  But I knew my heart, it was not an arrogant prayer but it was a sincere prayer and I sincerely meant ‘my people’ as I understood my role in many people’s lives.  

Perhaps you could also consider praying this prayer for your people.  Yes, you have people too.  People that look up to you, people that rely on you, people that you influence.  You are always influencing people whether you like it or not, the key is to be a good influence and not a bad one. So who are your people?  Perhaps you are at school and your school is your ‘kingdom’, the place where you can carry the saving love of Jesus to all the people.  Perhaps you are a stay at home mum and don’t consider yourself to be ruler of much.  I tell you the power of one woman in a family is enough to change an entire nation, be an Esther to your husband and children.

It’s the same with children, spoilt children are unhappy children.  Children that are disciplined in a loving way feel more secure and content in life.  No matter how much us women try and convince our man that we want something, our men have to be strong and seek God for wisdom to know what is best.  This takes guts, this is what makes a strong man.  A man who has the strength to say no to his wife, even though it will displease her, is a strong man.  Seriously, because he knows what is coming if he doesn’t give her what she wants. Perhaps some crying or some nasty words or some manipulation.  Any man who can put up with that in order to do what is right is a real man in my eyes.  Hopefully, us girls will learn to respect our men’s strength and we will minimise our emotional reaction to their leadership.  We should admire this quality in a man and not resist it.

This is a chapter snippet from Esther or Delilah?  
More Info Here or buy the book in the UK, USAKindle

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1.3.13

Nature's Way - Lip Stick

Lipstick is usually made up of a wax mixed with oil such as mineral, castor oil or lanolin along with pigments and additives for colour and fragrance.  As mentioned in the section on oils, mineral oil can clog the pores which will cause all sorts of problems.  Castor oil is fantastic so a lipstick using this oil is great but lanolin, oil from lambs' wool, is a common allergen.  Lipsticks can also contain ingredients such as beetles and fish scales.  The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics tested thirty three lipsticks for lead, from Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer to L'Oreal Colour Riche. They found that 61% of the lipsticks tested contained a detectable amount of the contaminant.  In fact, several lipsticks exceeded the Food and Drug Administration's lead limit for candy.  So why do they insist on using lead?  Lead makes lipstick stay on your lips longer.

All unnatural ingredients contain a health risk and you never really know what is in your lipstick, do you?  Especially the cheap ones that come from places where there is limited or no testing done.  There is no reason to take a risk with something that you put on your mouth, take care to either find a lipstick that you are certain contains only natural ingredients or take a few minutes to make your own.

Nature’s Way Alternatives

I use Castor Oil or Olive Oil to add a natural shine to my lips in place of a lip gloss or lip stick.  Castor Oil is well known for its antibacterial, moisturising and anti-aging properties.  Both oils will not only moisturise your lips but they will also feed your lips with nourishing nutrients.  Using petroleum jelly for your lips suffocates your lips and offers no nutritional value.  The name says it all, it comes from petrol.

Results:
•    No harmful chemicals
•    Anti-aging
•    No cancer risks
•    Save money

NATURE’S WAY LIPSTICK

Ingredients: Castor Oil

Method: Smooth onto your lips with your fingers or a small lip brush as a subtle lip-gloss in place of lip-gloss or lipstick.

More lipstick recipes:
There are many recipes available for homemade lipsticks using natural ingredients, here are some:

Beeswax Lipstick
  • 1 tablespoon Beeswax
  • 1 tablespoon  Shea Butter
  • 1 tablespoon Coconut Oil
  • 1 teaspoon Coco Powder or natural food colouring

Melt the first three ingredients together over a bowl of boiling water.  Add cocoa or colouring and mix very well.  Pour into an old washed out lipstick container or buy lip balm tins from Amazon or somewhere similar.

Cranberry Lipstick
  • 1 tablespoon  Shea Butter
  • 1 tablespoon  Castor Oil
  • 10 fresh cranberries

Gently melt the ingredients together.  Stir well and mash the berries.  Let the mixture stand for a few minutes then strain the mixture through a fine sieve to remove all the pieces of cranberry. Pour into a lip balm container for a shiny lipstick. 

Now it's your turn.
If you have any lipstick tips that work well, please share them with us.  Find out more about Nature's Way here.
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