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31.12.11

2011 Highlights

After having a very long season of rest I am more than ready to get stuck into 2012.  2011 was wonderful, stressful and tiring.  Lessons were learnt, personal character was challenged and I found myself stretched in many ways.  King's Daughters has grown from a blog into a Girl's Night and then into a conference! Looking ahead I can see that there is much more to come and I am more prepared for and excited by the challenges than ever before.  I would love you and/or your church to join us on our King's Daughters journey in 2012, we will be getting stuck into Being a Wife as well as much more. Why not start a Girl's Night in your area too? Please contact me for more info about the study notes.  Here are some highlights from 2011:

Jan - The 'Being a Woman' journey began and resulted in a Being a Woman book
Feb - We started our Girl's Night which has resulted in some beautiful friendships
Mar - My second book, Secure on the Rock, was released
Apr - The theme, beauty,  was announced for our King's Daughters conference
May - We had our first Girl's Night OUT which was loads of fun
Jun - We recorded our second album and released 'Passion & Purity'
Jul - The Wheelie Case was launched and we all loved our 'new' clothes!
Aug - We released a sneak preview of our album which is free to download
Sep - King's Daughters Conference was launched, it was surreal!
Oct - The Money Matters series was launched and 'Free' was released.
Nov - We released our second album, In the Stillness
Dec - I had a nice long rest with my wonderful family

Summing it up like that made me realise why I was so tired towards the end of this year!  2011 was a brilliant year though, wasn't it?  Don't forget to get connected on Facebook too.  Please share some of your highlights and how King's Daughters has impacted your life this year. 
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26.12.11

Christmas Cracker Jokes

I am a sucker for Christmas cracker jokes!  I just love to laugh and I find them so very funny!  Here are the jokes from our Christmas crackers this year, what was your favourite Christmas cracker joke?


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22.12.11

Hermie Is Back

Hermie is a favourite in our family and my children have learnt so much about God through Max Lucado's writing.  As always, "Thank you, God, for blessing me" helps little children grow in an attitude of gratitude and "Thank you, God for loving me" help little ones know how much God loves them.   It is beautifully written and beautifully illustrated and a perfect little Christmas gift.  Thank you to Booksneeze for providing me with this lovely little book to review.
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7.12.11

Nature's Way

A series of books that take a look at a more natural way of life. Nature's Beauty looks are natural health and beauty products, Nature's Hygiene looks at natural cleaning products and Nature's Weigh looks a 7 easy steps to your natural weight.

Natural Weight Loss
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29.11.11

Reboot & Celebrate

Photo by Lorah Kelly www.lorahkelly.co.uk

2011 has been the most amazing year and I firmly believe 2012 is going to be even more awesome!  In order to get read for 2012 I am going to have a little rest from my computer and reboot my system so that I am refreshed and ready for what God has planned!  

Have a lovely Christmas, please consider buying some lovely books or one of our Cd's as gifts for your loved ones and I will see you back here on King's Daughters in the New Year, ready to start the year off with a 21 day Daniel fast. 
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28.11.11

Stumbling Into Grace

To be perfectly honest, I chose this book because of it's cover!  It was just too cute to pass by, and so I requested a copy from Booksneeze to review.  

I don't want to be too harsh to the author as I know how stabbing a bad review can be, but I was disappointed.  Perhaps I expected too much based on the cover, but I found the content a bit weak.  The stories seemed rushed and the scriptures didn't tie in well with the stories. 

What I did like about the book was the presentation, the layout and the general feel of the book.  Stumbling Into Grace could work well for a light read or as a daily devotional but I was hoping for something more meaty, more life changing.  A new Christian could benefit from this book as it's an easy read and doesn't contain anything too hard to understand, and so if I were to recommend it to anyone, I would definitely recommend it to someone new to our faith.
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24.11.11

Lovely Lorah Kelly


Allow me to introduce my lovely daughter to you, Lorah Kelly!  She is my eldest daughter who has recently set up a photography business and is doing so well.  Within a few weeks of her start-up she already had three wedding bookings and two family photo shoots.  Lorah is also an artist and will continue creating beautiful works of art too to complement her photography.  I find the combination of Lorah's talents beautiful and her photography is definitely accentuated by her artistic talent. 

In order to support Lorah's business I have set up a page on my blog which I will update from time to time, please check in there and see what's new.  To find out more about Lorah's new photography business check out her website and Facebook page.   


For Christmas she has photographed her own image and designed a stunning Christmas cards which are available for £10 for 20 or £5.00 for 5 or £1.50 each


To buy your Christmas cards please contact Lorah and let her know how many you would like.
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20.11.11

In The Stillness

It's with extreme joy that I announce the release of our new album, In the Stillness.  Our band, D7 Band, have put tremendous effort into this album all year and really hope that when you listen to it you have an worship experience - an encounter with the living God! 
Have a sneak preview of us in the studio and if you haven't already got our first album, King's Square, let me give you one!  Leave me a comment about how you first heard about D7 Band and I will draw one winner of the King's Square CD on 29th November.

Buy the In the Stillness CD or MP3's on Amazon or Paypal
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15.11.11

Marriage Tip #14 - Be a Wise Neck



My Big Fat Greek Wedding is a fantastic movie and this scene has so much truth in it. In recent years, I've noticed how much I truly am the neck in my marriage, both by supporting my husband and holding him high as well as by influencing his direction and turning his attention to certain things. Being the neck is a very important role and can easily be abused.  A wife that understands and values her role as the neck will be an awesome wife indeed.  

At times I fear the responsibility of being the neck.  What if I turn the 'head' in the wrong direction or cause him to see things that I should not have exposed him to?  It is this fear that has caused me to think carefully before using my 'neck power' to influence my husband.  It is this fear that has lead me to pray and carefully consider what I say to my husband.  

Wives, you are the neck, embrace it and be careful with what a neck can do. 
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12.11.11

Are You A Christian? ...Really!?


I couldn't have said it any better than Eric so I am going to point you to his blog for a review of this movie.  It has left us radically challenged, read what Eric has so say about it here.  Be warned though, it does have some very gruesome scenes.
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7.11.11

Being a Wife - Who is Not Independent II

"I spent most of my life doing the Serenity prayer backwards, that is, trying to change the external things over which I had no control - other people and life events mostly - and taking no responsibility (except shaming and blaming myself) for my own internal process - over which I can have some degree of control. Having some control is not a bad thing; trying to control something or somebody over which I have no control is what is dysfunctional."
 - From Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney

It is one thing realising that you lean towards co-dependency or independency, but it is another thing entirely realising that you live with one or the other too. I believe that we are meant to love people and leave the changing up to God, and that includes our husbands. We are, however, called to bring out the best in our husband by building him up with our words and actions.

Realising that we live with either a co-dependent or an independent is an opportunity to better understand our husband and to understand how we can build him up and bring out His God given potential.

Living with a Co-dependent
Understand that when they try to control you it is probably based in their fear. Don’t become angry at him for being so controlling but rather take time to understand his fear and reassure him so that he no longer needs to fear. Depending on what the fear is, you may be able to assist or may only be able to pray that God’s perfect love will deal with his fear. Men are usually less emotional than women but yet a co-dependent male could possibly be that way due to emotional pain from the past going back as early as his childhood.

What we tend to do, as women, is react to that hurt and pile on more hurt by nagging or accusing. Your husband will never come out of his shell and be his true self with this sort of behaviour. If you truly want to draw out his potential then understand that he may have hurt that he doesn’t know how to process and don’t force him to deal with it. Worst of all; don’t make him feel guilty for having it in the first place. A co-dependent man already feels weak because he is co-dependent, making him feel guilty about this weakness will only render him powerless to do anything about it.

Gently and lovingly build up your co-dependent husband with wise and kind words, showing him that he can trust you with his heart. Don’t force him to talk about his feelings; men usually don’t do that very often. But when he does choose to let you know how he feels make sure you don’t interrupt and simply listen. If he sees that he can trust you with what he has said, he will feel comfortable talking about more.

Living with a co-dependent will require a great deal of patience on your part, as he will need years of consistency from you in order to trust you. He is driven by fear but your response to his fear will either push him further into his shell or give him to freedom to let go of his fear. The bottom line is to love him by showing him the respect he needs as a man and to ask God for keys to unlock his potential.

If your husband is co-dependent, he will live for you approval in an unhealthy way. Although it is good to give him your approval you need to set clear boundaries in this area. A typical co-dependent person, when asked about themselves, will reply by bouncing the question back onto you. They will seldom give you a straight answer about themselves. It would be good if you understood this and make sure that you did not jump at the opportunity to talk about yourself, but that you insisted, as much as possible but not too much, that he answered your question directly.
Patience is a key in unlocking the co-dependent. The process of owning himself is frustrating and confusing for him as he would prefer not to talk about himself at all or even admit that he has a ‘self’. Boundaries are unfamiliar and bewildering to him too and he may not respond well to them.

Co-dependent men tend to do too much for other people as they are people pleasers. Married co-dependents can often be seen out and about do all sorts of things for other people rather than be at home doing things for their family. It is essential that they find a balance and your role is to gently communicate how you feel about his people pleasing. Choose your words carefully and wisely so as to continue to build him up while sharing how his actions affect you.
It’s tricky but it can be done and if necessary use the build – break –build method of saying harsh things directly to him. This means that you try to sandwich the negative between two positives. Say something that builds him up and then say what you have to say that might break him down but quickly follow that with something else that will build him up again.

Living with an Independent
Understand that an independent person probably doesn’t realise that they are independent. There is a lot less research it seems about an independent person than a co-dependent person, as society seems to praise independence. What society calls independence is actually suppressing our true selves. However, the Bible has clearly told us not to be independent of each other.


Not all independents are wounded; their behaviour could mostly be learned from his parents. You might see a similar pattern in his parents and his relationship with his parents. Does he have a good relationship with his parents or are they quite distant with deep things and affection? An extreme case of independence due to childhood trauma can result in Asperger's Syndrome, which will leave them having few or no real friends, and seldom enjoy socializing.
Helping you independent husband could mean helping him to own up to his childhood traumas and helping him to admit that they were damaging to him. Prayer is key to this process as you don’t want to be his counsellor or his mother, you want to be his loving wife who is helping him move towards interdependence.

The chances are that if your husband leans towards independence then you are quite possibly on the co-dependent side. Be careful not to be needy as this will cause him to cling to his independence even more. Respect his need for independence but pray for keys to help him be comfortable enough with you to need you too.

Encourage him in building friendships with other men and with his family as this too will help him become more interdependent in general. The worst thing you can do is become insecure when he starts to show sign of wanting to develop other relationships.

Living with an independent man means that you should not take everything he says and does to personally. It is not because you are not enough that he acts this way but it is quite possibly because he doesn’t feel enough that he hides behind his independence. If he does lower his defences and allow for a degree of dependence he may quickly shut up again as this dependence could make him feel weak and vulnerable. If this happens you need to let it go, allow him to be a bit distant after an intimate moment so that he can see that there are no negative consequences to him letting his guard down.

The worst thing you could possibly do is pester him in his moment of aloofness. Leave him to work things out and in time it will no longer be necessary. He will learn that its ‘safe’ to have dependent moments and that he can trust you when he is vulnerable.

The truth is that we depend on one another to truly be who God made us to be. Without anyone to inspire us, to need us and to bring out the best in us, most of who we really are will never come into the light. Our true self is only fully formed in relationship. God made us relational, He made us to need each other which is why He told us not be independent of each other. Your independent husband doesn’t yet understand this, he things that in order to be the man he is meant to be he needs to be able to take care of himself and be free from needing anyone else.  Sadly, he will never fully be himself this way; only in his relationships can he truly be free to be completely himself. Ironically, we are only complete and whole when we are in an interdependent relationship. We were not made to be independent. 

Find out more about Being a Wife here.  
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3.11.11

10 Things I Love About You

I love that You love me
I love that You are perfect
I love that You are Holy
I love that You never change
I love that You are my Daddy
I love that You know everything about me and You still love me
I love that You are so creative
I love that You are so beautiful
I love that You are strong and powerful
I love that You are mine and I am Yours FOREVER

Now it's your turn, what do you love about God?
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1.11.11

Feature Article

Today I was featured in a fantastic ezine, Ruby For Women.  Check it out and the rest of the ezine as it is packed with loads of interesting info.
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28.10.11

The Tale of a Church Planter

 
The ups, downs, frustrations, joys and everything in-between on the roller coaster ride of church planting. I can honestly say that no recipe or formula for church building exists - God does not work in this way! D7 Church is proof of this. Not because we didn’t try, we did try just about everything.

Our bookshelf is lined with books that tell you what works and what doesn’t work. Our computer is filled with files of blog posts from mega-church pastors, documents with strategy from other churches. We have attended conferences and visited other churches to try and learn about building a church.  It was only when we gave up and said so to God that we began to have breakthrough. This is our story.

Cover Photo by Lorah Kelly 

Available at: Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk | Kindle

Contents:

Introduction
In the Beginning
Never Cancel
Do Not Grow Weary
A Wolf and Abandonment
The Least and the Small
Pitch Up and Press On
Build a Great Team
Why Me?
It’s Not About You
Let God be God
Raise Leaders
Lead by Example
Money
When Passion Fades
Casting On The Other Side
Enjoy the Ride

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25.10.11

Being a Wife - Who is Not Independent

1 Corinthians 11:11
Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord.

Men AND women are not independent, God made us both interdependent. This means that we both need each other. If you look at any marriage where one person doesn’t need the other then you will find an unbalanced, unhealthy and unhappy marriage. It doesn’t work. It wasn’t made to work. The design for marriage was interdependence.

Three sorts of relationships exist, co-dependent, independent and interdependent. Co-dependence is a win/lose situation, independence is a lose/lose situation and interdependence is a win/win situation. Let’s take a closer look at what our relationships should not be and then end off with what they should be. This is a fascinating subject and warrants an entire book dedicated to it. I will briefly touch on it as best I can, but please do your own further study and gain a healthy perspective on interdependency.

Co-dependence
There are three main types of co-dependency.

1. Givers
These people need to be needed desperately. They relate to others primarily through giving, helping and nurturing. The co-dependent always feels responsible for other people and always feels compelled to solve their problems. The co-dependent does too much, feels stressed or pressured but at the same time victimized, unappreciated and used because they won’t ask for or accept help.

2. Relationship Addicts
These people need to be in a relationship, they can’t survive alone. They typically use caring and sex to gain acceptance. They stay in bad relationships for all the wrong reasons and are often prone to sexual problems. The co-dependent tries to control behaviour of others through approval-seeking and people-pleasing behaviour.

3. Saviours
These people truly believe that if they don’t do it, it won’t get done. They try to make themselves indispensable. They typically won’t ask for help and take on more than they can cope with.

Co-dependents are worriers, lack trust, have poor boundaries, controlling behaviour and poor communication skills. It is very difficult to please a co-dependent and even more difficult to understand exactly what they really want or need. Most co-dependants come from a broken home and an abusive background.
Unresolved patterns of co-dependency can lead to more serious problems like addictions, eating disorders and other self-destructive behaviours. People with co-dependency are also more likely to attract abuse and often stay in stressful jobs.

Co-dependence Way Out
The first step to getting free from co-dependency is to let go. Co-dependents must learn to accept their powerlessness over people and events.

Independence
Marriage is not for independence. If you find yourself being self-sufficient, relying only on yourself and concentrating on your own individuality and freedom, then you are independent. Where the co-dependent doesn’t focus enough on themselves, the independent person is totally self-absorbed. The co-dependent places too much priority on the needs of other and the independent person feel that nothing and no one is more important themselves. The independent person feels suffocated by someone who doesn’t fit in with their plan to please and take care of themselves. They are very confident in themselves and will resent anyone who dares to stop them from being who they are.

The independent person is capable of providing their own needs, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Clearly, independence is harmful to any form of relationship as an independent person doesn’t need a relationship.

Independence can come from an upbringing of self preservation due to neglect or from being hurt one too many times and shutting the world out. You will often hear an independent person saying, “I don’t need you I can take care of myself!”

Independence Way Out
The first step to getting free from independence is to start connecting. Independents must learn to lean on other people and not do life as a ‘Lone Ranger’. If their independence is a result of hurt they must learn to open their heart and trust again.

Interdependence
Interdependence is a state of being mutually dependent on each other. It is the perfect balance for any relationship, especially a marriage.

Interdependence is that wonderful place where we recognise that sometimes we need to depend on our husband and at other times we need to give him some space. We give and we receive, care and are cared for, we are balanced between dependence and independence regardless of whom else is around or what anyone else thinks.

Let’s look at a wonderful relationship in nature that is interdependent – flowers and bees. Flowers and bees enjoy a relationship in which they both helped each other and both benefit each other. They probably could live without each other but the results would be disastrous and the whole cycle of life would be affected! Flowers produce pollen to fertilize other flowers. But for this to happen, pollen must get from the flower of one plant to another plant in order for fertilization to take place.

How does it happen? The flower needs the bee to make this happen. There is no way the flower can manage to fertilize another flower without the bee. A bee visits a flower and collects some pollen, then visits a different flower to collect more pollen, thereby mixing pollens and fertilizes the flower. This simple process is what causes the cycle of life to continue. Without the bees the flowers would not become fertilised which means they would not produce fruit, which would mean the end of the flowers! No more flowers!



“Independent thinking alone is not suited to interdependent reality. Independent people who do not have the maturity to think and act interdependently may be good individual producers, but they won't be good leaders or team players. They're not coming from the paradigm of interdependence necessary to succeed in marriage, family, or organizational reality.”  (Stephen Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, 1989)

If we are able to achieve interdependence then we will find ourselves bringing out the best in our husband and he will in turn bring out the best in us. Our lives will be fruitful as we build our marriage like the bees and the flowers build each other. In order to truly get all we can out of our marriage we have to strive for interdependence.

The possibilities are limitless when we begin to tap into the synergy that interdependence will create in our marriage.  

Find out more about Being a Wife here.  
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23.10.11

Marriage Tip #13 - Keeping Winning Their Heart


I was telling Eric one morning how much I loved all the things he did to try and win my heart while we were dating.  It was his intentional words and cute poems he used to write for me that wooed me and made my heart melt.  Since those early days in 2004 until today, I have kept all his cards, handwritten notes and other cute things from him.  These are my treasures and if ever I had to leave our home in a hurry I would grab my treasure box, a small box in my desk full on little notes from Eric, my children and some even from friends.  As I was chatting to Eric about how I missed his efforts to win my heart I realised that I too needed to continue to win his heart as I once did.  It's the age old story of plank and speck syndrome! Marriage can get pretty dull if we live only to get through each day!  Making an effort to keep marriage magical, mysterious and romantic is essential!  With that in mind I determined to find out what I did that won Eric's heart so that I could continue to win his heart daily. Just because we are married doesn't mean we should stop winning each other's hearts.

What things won your heart in the early days or what did you do to win his heart?  Let's swap some ideas to spice up our marriages and keep the romance alive!
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21.10.11

Passion & Purity STUDY GUIDE

Passion & Purity Study Guide, based on Passion & Purity,  is a practical, interactive workbook that will take you from a place of desperately needing to feel loved to a place of complete bliss.
    Sound to good to be true?  It is possible, we all need to be loved most desperately and many of us have looked for love in all the wrong places. This study guide covers practical steps from my search for love, all the mistakes I made and finally the truth that I found that set me free.
    Passion and purity can be yours too, it's not too late.  No matter where you have been, who you have been with or what you have done, there is still hope.  You can be pure again, you can find true love.


Written as a fully interactive  workbook format, this study guide can be used for self study or small group study.  Buy your copy now from Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk
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20.10.11

Submission


I had the awesome privilege of being able to share the word at our church this past Sunday. My message was a result of spending most of this year asking God to teach me about submission.  What I discovered has totally blown me away and I hope what I shared impacted people as much as it impacted me!  In a nutshell, I highlighted the different sorts of submission from the Bible and tried my best to explain what exactly submission is.  This message also forms a part of a chapter on submission in my book, Esther or Delilah, which is coming out next year. In the meantime, have a listen to the message here.
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18.10.11

Being a Wife - Who Wants to be a Wife

Being a wife is more of an attitude than a gender. You can get women that are clearly not wives, yes they are female but their attitude is that of a man. Don't assume that because you are married that you want to be a wife. You might be married but you might still be acting like you are totally independent. 

“I am the boss around here!”
“I make the decisions.”
“I can take care of myself and provide for myself, I don’t need your money!”

I am sure you get the picture. When a woman says things like that then do you really think she is a wife? On paper she might be but in her heart I think not. When you get married you become one with your husband.

Mark 10:8
and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.

You take a completely different form, you are no longer your own but you are now a part of something new.

1 Corinthians 7:4
The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

Being a wife is so much more than having a marriage certificate. To truly be a wife you need to choose to be a wife by cultivating the attitude of a wife. There is no more his and mine but those two words become one = ours. You are not truly being a wife if you marriage still consists of yours and mine. No matter how hard it is, being a wife consists of letting go of your rights to ‘mine’ and embraces everything as ‘ours’.

If your husband likes golf and you are not interested it would be a great idea to get interested as it is not his hobby but ‘our’ hobby. It’s not that you are going to be by his side twenty four seven but it is more a case of finding ways to support his hobby and understand what is important to him as opposed to ridiculing his passions or desires. In our home Eric likes to play the guitar and before we were together I was not interested in guitars at all. Since we have been together I have supported him in his time alone to play his guitar, I have learned a little bit about guitar so we have something to talk about when he want to chat about his passions. I don’t even like his style of music but I have learned about it because he likes it. If it is important to him is has to be important to me too.

Eric does the same for me. I love to write and before anything goes to print he reads what I have written and checks for mistakes. I am sure this is not something he would do for fun but because it is important to me it is important to him too. If I sell a book or hear of a life changed as a result, we share the joy as it is ‘our’ book.

His career is no longer his own but you would do well to support his career in any way he would like you to as it affects ‘our’ marriage. No matter what area of life, it is no longer your own but ‘ours’. Areas of failure or success are no longer yours and mine but ours too, if either one of you are failing or succeeding at anything then the burden or joy should be shared.

Finances is another area where you could be maintaining your independence or giving up ‘mine’ and embracing ‘our’ finances. Yes it can be difficult to be a wife but unless you are bringing about a oneness in your marriage you are not truly being a wife, you are merely being a woman who has a marriage certificate.

There are several things that can cause us to not want to be a wife, even if we are married:

Past Hurt or Abuse
A person who has been hurt or abused as a child or even as an adult thinks that once the abuse stops, she can just get on with life and everything will be alright. After-all, the past is the past, right? Wrong. Sadly, unless a past hurt or abuse is fully dealt with it will affect your marriage. No matter how much you have dealt with it outside of marriage, I believe there is an element that has to be dealt with within marriage.

Even married women keep their defences up if they have been hurt or abused in the past whether it was by someone other than their husband or their husband. You might have taken your vows but you always hold on to a degree of independence for your own protection. I wife with this background might find it difficult to completely surrender to being a wife.

If you are not married you may reject the idea of marriage completely or find legitimate excused not the make the commitment. You do want to be a wife but you don’t at the same time and so you live in confusion about what you really want.

Temptation
You may be facing a temptation which is hindering your desire to want to be a wife without you even realising it. Temptation can come in many forms and can be anything at all. Perhaps you are tempted with ‘what ifs’. What if there is someone better just around the corner, what if we didn’t get married when I was so young, what if I married someone else, what if, what if, what if. You entertain ‘what ifs’ and their possible outcomes. Your ‘what ifs’ might even cause you to believe the current problems in your marriage wouldn’t exist if the ‘what ifs’ were a reality. Entertaining these ‘what ifs’ for too long could also lead to very real temptation that you end up acting upon. Perhaps you allow yourself to look at other men while wondering ‘what if’ or perhaps you become jealous of other women while entertaining your ‘what if’.

Your ability to want to be a wife is held back by these ‘what ifs’ and so you don’t really want to be a wife. If you want to be a Godly wife, let go of your ‘what ifs’ and deal with any temptation you might have. No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Influences
Who or what is influencing you? Are you walking with other women who want to be wives or are your friends the sort of people that say nasty things about their husbands or marriage? Observe your friendships, the movies you watch, the books you read and anything else that may influence you. Is the message for or against marriage?

Spiritual Differences
Being a Godly wife whilst married to an ungodly man can be difficult at times. Even if your husband is saved he might not be at the same place as you in your walk with God. Even saved couples who are at the same place in their walk with God will encounter spiritual battles from time to time. The bottom line is that no matter who is where with God there is a spiritual battle going on in your marriage. The devil has a clear mandate and that is to steal and kill and destroy your marriage.

Understand the spiritual side of life can dramatically affect your desire to be a wife. At times you may feel that your desire to be a wife wanes without explanation. It is in these times that you might have to fight a spiritual battle. You decision to want to be a wife is half the battle won already!

The next step is to submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you . And finally, if you are trying to win an unsaved husband or a lukewarm husband, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

There are many more things that can cause us not to want to be a wife but the key will always be your choice. The Bible says that as he thinks in his heart, so is he . If you think you don’t want to be a wife you will struggle to be a wife but if you chose to think that you want to be a wife then you won’t struggle.

So I ask you now, do you want to be a wife? Don’t automatically assume it's a 'yes'. Search deep down inside your heart and be honest about how you really feel about being a wife. Decide if your hearts attitude is a ‘yes I want to be a wife’ or has there been a ‘no’ in your heart. Don’t feel guilty if you find a ‘no’. It is good that you have found it because now you can do something about it. If you are marriage intentionally change your no to a yes by sheer force of your will. If you are not marriage go to God with your no and ask Him to show you what you need to see – whatever that might be.

Find out more about Being a Wife here
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14.10.11

Secure on the Rock STUDY GUIDE

Since the Hope's Journey STUDY GUIDE has been selling three times as fast as the actual book, I thought it would be good to let you know about the Secure on the Rock STUDY GUIDE too.

This book is a very practical workbook that will take you from any form of insecurity to a place of freedom and security. Based on the book, Secure on the Rock, the study guide covers practical steps from my journey of extreme, unreasonable, controlling insecurity to freedom in security.

It is written in a fully interactive workbook format and can be used for self study or small group study.  Buy your copy now from Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk
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13.10.11

Time to Laugh

"A merry heart does good, like medicine" - Proverbs 17:22






Do you have anything funny to add?  Let's start today with a good wholesome chuckle together :)
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11.10.11

Being a Wife - Who Builds Her Husband

Have you ever noticed how little is said about the husband in Proverbs 31. It pretty much says that he trusts her (v11), he praises her (v28) and is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land (v23). Could it be that all that she does is the  reason for his honour at the gates? 

Verse twenty three seems quite out of place, stuck right in the middle of a detailed description of all the work that she does. But he's not really out of place. He is actually perfectly placed. Our work is what we use to build our husbands up with. It is when we gladly lay down our glory that our husbands are lifted up. It is in the midst of all her work that her husband sits as an elder at the gate. Her wise use of time, talents, treasures, and her words is what glorifies him. 

As wives our role is primarily to build our husbands. Everything we do should be to lift him up and not to lift ourselves up above him. Don’t worry, you will never lose. Do you notice the final verse of Proverbs 31? It says, “Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.” (v31)

It is at those same gates where her husband is known that she receives the fruit of her hands and where her own works praise her. She never did it for that reason, but because of her hard work and support to her husband, the story ends in her favour. Girls, you can NEVER lose by building up your man – NEVER. If you don’t however and choose to build yourself and not him, both you and he will lose and so will your children.

These days it seems women are more ambitious and often more successful than men. It also seems that today 18-to-35-year-old men spend more time playing video games a day than 10-to-17-year-old boys. Many men seem to be refusing to grow up and take responsibility in life and more and more women are managing independent of men.
Personally, I think it is massively the women that have emasculated the men. We have fought for our rights, insisted we do the things men do which has caused us to be independent of men. Why on earth would a man bother then if he is not needed? I have a brilliant CV but now that I am married I choose to stay home and play house. It’s so much fun, I am active in raising my children and my man knows he is needed.

I use my professional skills to support my husband in his business and I have no desire to get ahead of him. In fact, in the past before we had our little ones, I turned down a job that paid much more than he because I knew it would harm our marriage one way or another.

How about you, are you building your man first or are you building yourself first?

More coming from Being a Wife, find out more here.
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10.10.11

Being a Wife

























Being a Wife is a follow on from Being a Woman where we go into the Biblical role of the wife in depth.  A refreshing read on being a wife with lively, real discussion with a group of every day ordinary women - it's NOT at all what you might think.

Available on: Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk | Kindle

Contents:
Invitation
Heterosexual or Not?
The Five Stages of Marriage

Being a Wife

Purchase Options
Which chapter would you like?

Study Notes:
For small group study, printable PDF notes and worksheets are available for each chapter at £1.20 per chapter.  Once you have purchased the PDF's you are welcome to print off as many copies as you need.  These notes offer thought provoking conversation guides that will guarantee a lively women's study group.
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8.10.11

Free to Be Me

I can't do this, it's too hard!"

"Well I am going to do it because I have decided that I can."

"But it's too painful, surely I will die if I keep going!"

"Nope, I will push through, I will run until that tree over there, no matter what it takes."

This was my conversation with myself one morning. I had set a goal for where I was going to run to but half way there I wanted to quit, I was running out of breath and my legs were turning to jelly. The goal was in sight though, near the end of a very long and very beautiful Cotswold country lane. I decided not to quit! No matter how my body felt or how much moaning I was doing in my mind, I had to reach that tree. So I ran without quitting. Then it happened. You always hear of it but I experienced it, I broke through the wall. It was as if there was literally something keeping me back and once I had broken through it, I was free! I could run and run and run, it was wonderful. The tree came and went and I still wanted to run, when the road came to an end I turned around and ran some more. It was a sweet victory and a precious freedom. Excitement filled the air as I found the breakthrough I so longed for. I knew that from this point forward things were going to get better and I was going to be a brand new runner, one that actually ran for more than five minutes at a time ha ha.

Why am I sharing this with you? I thought it was a stunning metaphor for how we can find freedom as women. Too often we settle for less or we give up before we become all that we can be. Excuses pile up. Busyness takes over. We stop believing that we can be anything more than we already are. Condemnation attacks us. So we don't bother, we settle for less and accept things the way they are. It's a lie, we can be free, we can break through the wall. Who do you believe deep down inside that you really are? Who do you want to be? What areas are you fighting for breakthrough in? Don't quit, keep believing in yourself, it is likely that those desires are things that God put inside of you and He wants you to succeed in them.

Find out more about how I found freedom to be myself in my book 'Free'. More chapter snippets will follow soon, full details about this book are available here
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5.10.11

I Don't Know How She Does It


Sarah Jessica Parker stars in a sparkling comedy about a mum juggling marriage, children and a high-powered job.  It's a really lovely movie that leaves you feeling warm and squishy inside rather than grossed out because you've seen things you really didn't want to see - which is the response I have had to most movies I have seen lately.

I highly recommend this movie if you want to laugh and cry and leave the cinema feeling good about your life - whether you are a working mum or not!  You can watch the trailer here. I have also found a fantastic website that you can use to check out a movie before watching it - it really helps me not waste time watching rubbish movies.  See for yourself at www.movieguide.org
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4.10.11

And the winner is...


Congratulations Samuel ! You have randomly been selected as the winner of our Pink Blush Giveaway. I actually did it twice and you came #1 both times so it's definitely meant for you!  I hope you enjoy these beautiful flowers.

Thanks to all of you who entered! We will do another giveaway soon.
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1.10.11

Money Matters - Introduction

Today I read about four hundred young girls that were rescued from the sex trade. What shocked me most were their ages - age two to age fifteen! Immediately after reading this I went into my two year old daughter’s bedroom and watched her sleeping peacefully. It was impossible to imagine her not being tucked up safely in her bed sleeping as peacefully as she was. I could not imagine what sort of person would want to have her for their sexual pleasure! Turning a blind eye to this information and all sorts of other awful stories from around the globe was no longer justifiable. Saying that there was nothing that I can do about it at that point in time no longer worked as a reasonable excuse as I knew ‘one day’ would never come.

Today is that day. Today is ‘one’ day. Today is that day that I stop justifying my passivity and start making a plan to do something about it. I will be plagued by the thought of this two year old in the sex trade forever if I don’t do something about it right now. There is always something that can be done, no matter how small the contribution, it can make a difference, especially if everybody did something small together. 

This book is not about the sex trade or world poverty, this book is about why money matters! It was a generous donation that set up the organisation that was able to rescue these four hundred girls from the sex trade. Without that money the little two year old would still be out there having who knows what done to her! Bottom line – all the good intentions in the world can’t rescue people who are suffering – IT TAKES MONEY!

I hope that by reading this book you too will see what I saw today. You will see that we have a responsibility to get our finances in order, to generate money and to get busy either financially supporting organisations that are making a difference in the world or actually getting our hands dirty and getting involved in the physical world.

God never made money, man did. The Bible is full of direction for us in the proper use of money, how we should rule it and not have it rule us. I have failed to find any verse in the Bible yet, that shows abundant life and money together, or happiness and money together. I really believe that God wants us to live an abundant life whether we have loads of money or very little money. My motivation for wanting Christians to prosper financially is because there is so much that we can do if we have money. Sadly, the problem today, is that money has most Christians. They are in bondage, in debt and under materialism without even realising it. 

My conviction is so strong that God never intended for money to rule us the way it does. If we have money, it rules us – how do we use it wisely? If we don’t have money, it rules us – how do we get it? Even those who don’t lust after money seem to be ruled by it – how do we live without it and still be happy? The point is, no matter how good or bad we are at having this idol in or out of our life, we still seem to be so focused on it. My challenge to those of you who want to read this book is; read this book, get God’s perspective, and get out of debt and then move on and don’t look back. No matter where you find yourself at the end of this book, let one decision remain. I will no longer let money be a focus in my life anymore! Lord, renew my mind, create a new heart within me and let me be free.

Take your time and read these words slowly and allow God to place His heart in yours to gain wisdom and understanding about the realm that God intended us to live in the first place - in Him we live and move and have our being.

Read more about 'Money Matters' here.
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29.9.11

Pink Blush Giveaway

Bunches have very kindly offered this beautiful Pink Blush bouquet to one of our King's Daughters subscribers.  To enter make sure that you are subscribed by email to this blog and then simply leave your name in the comments section and then share this post with one of the share buttons below.  We will close the comments sometime next Tuesday and randomly select a winner.   If you don't win, you can still purchase your own beautiful Pink Blush bouquet here.

Thank you Bunches for your continued support of King's Daughters and the King's Daughters Conference xxx
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27.9.11

Flower care: fact or fiction?

There are many theories and old wives tales about the best ways to care for cut flowers, so I thought I would share some awesome info with you from Bunches
Bunches provided us with the lovely chocolates that we had in our gift bags at the King's Daughters Conference recently, which was very kind of them. 
All Bunches bouquets come complete with a flower care leaflet. For more flower care tips, visit their flower care page.


  • 'Adding sugar or a copper coin to the vase water is the best way to keep your flowers fresh' – Fiction. It's best to use flower food as it contains the correct PH balance which prevents bacteria from growing. Liquid flower food is provided with every Bunches bouquet.
  • 'Fresh flowers should be kept away from the fruit bowl' – Fact. Fruit produces ethylene gas which significantly speeds up the flower aging process.
  • 'Putting Rose stems in boiling water for a minute before arranging helps them stay fresh' – Fact. Holding the base of the stem in boiling water removes any air bubbles so the vase water can reach the bloom.
  • 'It's best to arrange your flowers in cold water' – Fiction. Luke warm water is best as it has less oxygen in it, which prevents air pockets from being trapped in the stem.
  • 'Flower water needs to be changed every other day' – Fact. This reduces the amount of bacteria which grows in the water which shortens the life of the bloom (this also prevents any unpleasant smells!)
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24.9.11

Money Matters

Are you tired of trying to get through each month, living only to make ends meet? Have you read all the books that promise ‘seven steps to financial freedom’ but lead you nowhere? Or are you someone who has plenty of money but can’t find any satisfaction in life?

Money Matters has powerful, yet easy to understand principles that will radically revolutionise your view of money. Best of all you don’t need a huge bank balance as a starting point, no matter what your current financial situation, whether rich, poor or anywhere in between, these principles will challenge you to the core resulting in financial freedom and a life of contentment GUARANTEED.

This set of three books has been written to help you deal with every angle of money matters. Money Matters is designed to help you understand the principles behind Godly money management. Money Matters Devotional is a thirty day reading program to assist you in 'changing' your mind in the area of money. The Money Matters Workbook is a very practical workbook giving you everything you need to take control of your money one step at a time.


Money Matters 

Simple Truths Leading to Financial Freedom
Designed to help you understand the principles behind Godly money management.

Availalbe on: Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk | Kindle
Money Matters Devotional

Renewing the Mind in the Area of Finances
A thirty day reading program to assist you in 'changing' your mind in the area of money.

Availalbe on: Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk | Kindle
Money Matters Workbook

Sort Out Your Money  One Step at a Time
A very practical workbook giving you everything you need to take control of your money one step at a time.

Availalbe on: Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk | Kindle



Download spreadsheets and template letters mentioned in the workbook here.
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20.9.11

Free to Say No

For years I asked myself why it was so hard to say no when my dad was molesting me. It is such a simple two letter word yet I could not form it in my mouth or shout it out at him. ‘No’ might have prevented the whole thing, ‘no’ may have scared him away, and ‘no’ might have saved me from carrying that awful memory all of my teenage and adult life. ‘No’ has so much power behind it yet no is the one word that has taken me years to learn to say. 

The question plagued me all through my adult years as I found myself in all sorts of situations where ‘no’ was the best answer and I ended up saying yes or simply not saying anything at all. Why? What caused me to be so weak and frail? I knew that my inability to say no would cause me more pain and heartache.

Fear.

My conclusion is that I feared saying no. I feared not being liked. I feared not being good enough. I feared rejection. I feared what people would think of me. Fear left me powerless to say the one word that would save me from even more hurt. How bizarre is that!

The Bible says that perfect love casts out all fear and that fear involves torment . Torment was most certainly a reality for me on most days and as that torment grew, so did the wall around my heart. Even though the wall grew stronger my ability to say no didn’t change. I grew less fearful as God patiently and tenderly poured His perfect love into me, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. Slowly I began to understand His love and acceptance. In time I started to value His opinion above people’s opinion. Living to impress God and not other people gave me a new found freedom that I had never known. It didn’t come quickly though, it took years of hard work and a firm decision not to care about what people thought of me.

With this freedom came an ability to say no. There is most definitely a connection between self esteem and the ability to say no. Either you are the sort of person that says no to everything by default or yes to everything. Neither is healthy or good. The ability to make a wise decision and execute your decision with a firm yes or no is one of the signs of freedom.

Types of ‘Nos’

There is the obvious ‘no’ that I should have learned such as ‘no I will not have sex with you’ and ‘no you cannot touch me there’. No matter how much I really didn’t want boys to treat me the way they did, I always felt that they would reject me if I didn’t let them have their way.

Now that I am a mother, I try and find ways to make my children feel totally comfortable with saying no so that they can avoid getting themselves into this sort of situation. Most importantly, I try to help them develop their relationship with God so that they know that He is the only one that they need to please in this life – EVER. My husband is more pleased because I live by this rule, my children are more pleased and I am more pleased. Pleasing God overflows into every area of our lives.

The less subtle no is the ‘no’ to busyness. It seems harmless and a lot less dramatic than sexual abuse, but it is not as harmless as you may think. Many women can’t say no to church duties for example. It is a different scenario but the same root – FEAR.

Fear of not being accepted by the pastor or church leaders, fear of not looking as spiritual as other team members, fear, fear, fear! Women in church are too busy, completely overloaded with ‘works’ simply because they fear the consequences of saying no. Yet when Mary said no to the busyness just to sit at Jesus’ feet Jesus said :

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

Mary unashamedly said ‘no’ to the work and simply sat at Jesus’ feet! She was free to say no because she knew what was important at that moment. How many of us are scurrying around like busy bees trying to serve our best to Jesus. Our heart is to please Him, our desire is to serve Him. All good intentions with a seemingly pure heart, but is it really? Are we perhaps so busy trying to earn His favour that we are forgetting that it can’t be earned? We already have it – in full measure. He already loves us and accepts us the maximum that is possible. If we truly understood this I think we would do a lot less and sit at His feet a lot more.

Women of God, be free to say no to Church busyness when you need to, I am sure Jesus would say the same to you as He said to Mary,

“You have chosen that good part and it will not be taken away from you.”

Find out more about how I found freedom through saying no my book 'Free'. More chapter snippets will follow soon, full details about this book are available here
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17.9.11

King's Daughters Conference 2011 CD & MP3


We had a fantastic day together at our recent King's Daughters Conference.  After many months of planning, we managed to pull off an awesome day!  The food was spectacluar, the music was magical, the message was life changing and the men were true gentlemen.  I had so much fun and I hope you did too!  I would love to hear what impacted you most.

If you weren't able to join us then please make sure you book your ticket for 2012 and for your convenience we have made the messages available in MP3 and CD format below.  More news and gorgeous photos coming soon...

Message Options

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15.9.11

Being a Woman AVAILABLE NOW

It's with extreme joy that I want to announce that our latest book, Being a Women, is available for you to buy.  We have had an incredible journey together at our weekly Girl's Nights and this book is the result.  Together we have explored what it means to be a Godly woman, we have recorded our conversations and opinions and presented them to you in a lovely book.  Also, as an added bonus, Lorah-Kelly had done some awesome photography and added it to our book so we have something pretty to look at too.  A very girly book but don't be fooled, the content is extremely challenging!  There were nights when tears were shed at how hard it can be and nights when much laughter was shared at the pure joy of the journey. Be prepared for an emotional roller coaster ride as you read Being a Woman which is available here in the UK, also in the USA and coming soon to Australia.
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13.9.11

Being a Woman - Who is Beautiful

In the end, all that we truly want is to be found beautiful! This is the one question we are all asking,

“Am I beautiful?”

We ask it from our father when we are little and we ask it from our boyfriend or husband later on in life. When we are out with our girl friends we need to know that we look beautiful and when we go to work we are asking the same question too. It’s OK to ask this question, God made us that way. The problem today though is that this question leads to another question, which is,

“How can I be more beautiful?”

This question leads us down all the wrong paths and gets us into all sorts of bad situations. When we don’t feel beautiful we feel incomplete and so we look for ways to fill that void. We try new clothes, we experiment with hair and make-up and some women even get their natural features altered or enhanced. All in the quest for beauty.

Sadly some girls will do anything to feel beautiful and that includes doing things for men to gain their approval or doing things for friends for the same reasons. Many woman have only made themselves more ugly in their quest for more beauty. God’s heart is broken when He sees all the beautiful princesses that He made, act in this way. True beauty does not come in the form of a diet pill or a bottle of hair colour. It cannot be attained the through the clothing that you wear or by anything that you do to your body. True beauty truly starts from within.

Cliché? Absolutely not. Don’t switch off now, don’t think you know what is coming because you don’t. This is the truth. 

Is external beauty important? Yes - undeniably. Is external beauty important to God? Absolutely!

Psalm 149:4
For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the humble with salvation.

True beauty can only begin when we humble ourselves at the foot of the cross of Calvary and accept the free gift of salvation that Jesus offers us. If you have ever seen a beautiful woman you will know, that in time, once you have begin to know her, that her beauty will be exposed as superficial.  Most of the time she isn’t real and she isn’t happy. This is because she hasn’t been saved from her sins and lives with the consequences daily. When we humble ourselves and accept what Jesus did for us, He will truly beautify us and so the journey begins.

Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. 

The Greek word for praised is hâlal which means to be a clear colour and to shine! Have you ever met a woman who literally shines? She is so attractive that you can’t stop staring at her. There is something about her that attracts you to her, you just want to be around her all the time. Sadly, there are few women these days that have this quality. It is as rare as a precious stone and I can’t say that I have met more than two women in my life that have had this effect on me. I am not talking about celebrities or preachers – people that you see at a distance. This isn’t real, you don’t really know them. No, I am talking about a person that you have actually spent time with, been in the same room with and had a conversation with up close and personal! 

The amazing thing about these women is that they don’t make you feel jealous like other pretty girls might but they actually leave you feeling like a better person yourself. This is true beauty! Having the ability to glow like that surpasses all other sorts of physical beauty that exists and the great thing is that we can have that sort of beauty. I don’t know about you but this is the sort of beauty I would like to have – it surpasses anything else that there is on offer. 

I am sure you are wondering how we get this, aren’t you? The key is in Proverbs 31:30 – fear the Lord. Fearing the Lord means to revere Him deeply and yes, to be a little bit afraid. Not afraid because He might hurt you, He would never do that, but perhaps a bit afraid of how AWESOME He is and how mighty and powerful He is. I know that the day I meet Jesus face to face I will most certainly tremble in His presence. 

If you truly desire to be beautiful, then may I suggest that you work through this book again, this time go deeper. Ask yourself the same questions but search within yourself for truth. My hope and prayer is that every chapter in this book will help you unveil your beauty, moulding you into the rare and precious gem that you are. Determine to be changed on the inside, whatever it takes, not matter how hard it gets. Do the work! A diamond is formed over millions of years under extreme pressure, don’t think you can just follow a few steps and then start shining like a beautiful diamond. It’s going to take a lot of hard work and dedication, which is why a truly beautiful women is very rare these days. We spend too much time altering our body and shopping for better clothes and too little time doing the work on our character.


Psalm 45:11
So the King will greatly desire your beauty; Because He is your Lord, worship Him.

Desire comes from the Greek word 'âvâh which means to wish for, to cover and to long for. God, our King, greatly longs for you to unveil your beauty. He waits with baited breath for you let it out so that His purpose in us can be complete. You have no idea how valuable and important your beauty is and I am sure you how no idea how beautiful you are capable of being. Don’t go down the path that leads to destruction as you will never find beauty in all those things. Go to God, He designed you perfectly and He holds the key to unleashing your true beauty.

Let it out! Shine. Before you know it, your outside will follow and when people will not stop staring at you and you will know why. Girls, desire to be the beauty that God made you to be and don’t settle for anything less. Cosmetics are fun, clothes are necessary but just like a cheap perfume, they simply don’t do the job. You are valuable and precious and extremely beautiful!

The Being a Woman book and worksheets are available here
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